OHHHHH! I found a job I want! And my immediate reaction was to run away from the computer!

Run away run away let it sink in what to do oh no what to do I want this job but I can't want it too bad or I won't get it what to do what to do I HAVE FORGOTTEN WHAT TO DO and yes I hate this process

Hello, can I have this job? I am awesome. Please give?

Do I send them cookies?

FUCK. I need to take my name out of this diaryland. I need to take my name off everything. I think I made a giant mistake trying to start using my name. I think I like to hide behind other identities or persona. It is easier to create that way. I use my name and then I just clam up. look at me look at me no don't look at me fuck go away

There is a dinner party on Saturday I'm not going to. I don't want friends. I don't want to go to a dinner party no matter how much I want to go to a dinner party. I mean, if I really wanted to go and Zach Galifinakis weren't hosting SNL, then I would just GO because those girls really aren't that bad, I mean, I like them, or whatever. Enough, I guess. But I don't need friends, or "sometimes" friends, or people to entertain on a sometimes basis, that is what facebook is for, can't you just look at my strange statuses and get your fill of Sara-brand oddities in that fashion? Why must you invite me to dinner parties I don't want go to, then cause me to be conflicted for a day and a half and ultimately make me feel bad? You don't think about the consequences of your actions, you're just trying to get me out of the house and eat your delicious food. I don't know what kind of salt you use, okay, and I don't want to be like do you use iodized salt? like some kind of weirdo and everyone else will show up to the dinner party bearing wine or flowers and in my hands I will have my own salt. It's just a bad idea. If I want to go a dinner party, I'll just go to Florida and have a fun normal dinner party with the friends I've left behind or I'll go to Colorado and find that odd girl and have a strange dinner party with her. I'll knock on her door and say "hey, I came to have a dinner party with you." and first she'd search me for rocks and then everything would be fine. I don't need friends, former work-mates. All I need are words and power tools and tea.

Speaking of tea, I just went to the Box Of Tea Boxes to find that I am OUT OF EUCALYPTUS TEA. You'd think I'd be less shocked about this since I made the same discovery last night. I want to put a notepad on the refrigerator now, like one of those respectable kitchens. "List Of Needed Groceries" it will say, or something equally wordy. Then I will write: Eucalyptus tea. then I will write Organic Mayonnaise. I will not write anything sassy like God or A Life or Dried Puppies because this is an honest-and-true list and I am not going to laugh myself out of the changes I am making to myself.

Yes, that is my way of stating to Colorado-based Odd Girl that No I have not replied to her email, Yes I am just all over the place and need to sit down and do that instead of devouring DIY articles on remodeling kitchens when I am in no position to do so or writing long entries where I hear her voice echoed in my own, and that is how I know I really like her, like the accent of someone I'm talking to or their pet-words or the way they move their fingers, also she's very funny and I don't laugh out loud for just anyone

So basically I really want to apply for this job--I mean, basically I really want to work for this company even though I know so little about them, so in response I will finish vacuuming the stairs and scrubbing the tub, then I will comb and lay down the green shag rug in the upstairs bathroom and fantasize about going to Home Depot.

I love when I come to write two lines and just keep going