Kevin and I went to the park that other day.. and you know.. I thought there were quite a lot of caterpillars.. but I didn't realize it was an EPIDEMIC

"But wait til you see them in a writhing mass the size of your hand, worming their way up your favorite shade tree or even up the side of your house."

WE ARE OVERRUN BY CATERPILLARS, YOU GUYS, CALL THE NATIONAL GUARD

"Right now they're about an inch-and-a-half to 2 inches long, which means they're nearing the end of their life cycle, ready to pupate and turn into moths," Robbins says.

THEN WE WILL BE OVERRUN BY MOTHS, OH NO, THAT SOUNDS WORSE

"..they only live for about a week. "

PHEW.

"..[this guy] said he hasn't seen this kind of attack in his 35 years with the city.

'I remember the canker worm wars we used to have...'"

CANKER WORMS? What the fuck are those?! WAR ON BUGS

I just want to write about old men and bug fascinations, can I do that?

OH MY GRACIOUSNESS

"trees can begin to suffer if they're defoliated too often. So the city might go out in the early spring with shop vacs to suck up caterpillars as they huddle in clumps on tree trunks."