fuck me. I wanted to stay home today. so badly. my mood has been low you see. I wanted to stay home and now it's raining. Raining like the dickens. Whatever that means. Anyway, it just makes me want to be home even more, upstairs in the clean room looking out the window or on the porch, watching the rain, being moody in the bathtub, scribbling, etc.

Last night, sad, moody, whispering to myself "i have i am i have i am" I wanted to get out of bed and wander the dark house in my underwear but the house wasn't dark because the roommates were home downstairs and in the first place I had pants on and wouldn't it be awkward to run into my boyfriend's sister in the dark without pants on.

So I didn't get up, is the point. Instead I listened to the tires on the road (rain slicked, wet, my favorite), the braking of buses and occasional opening of doors, very few voices of rowdy children on these rainy nights and my actual favorite, the singing of trains

had I gotten up last night to write that paragraph like I wanted to, it would've been written well, but my eyelids fluttered and I was lulled to sleep